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Some Days Are Like That. Even In Australia

This is me at the end of a day where nobody napped. This is me at the end of a day full of tantrums and snotty noses, fevers, and dirty diapers. 

This is me after engaging in too many power struggles with my four year-old for the day.

This is me that has deadlines, dreams, goals, plans. This is me hoping today was enough.

Hoping that somehow, I made a ripple effect of goodness that will spread from these sweet little people in ways I may never know. 

 

I rearranged the living room without giving my highly sensitive son notice on a day when he wasn’t feeling well.

Big mistake. I get that. I see that now.

I just felt the insatiable urge to have some control, to create, to express myself, to find catharsis in rearranging the traffic patterns in our home. I wanted some grown up time.

He wanted to sit and snuggle all day.

So, now I wrestle with the guilt, the weight of the day heavy in my back, chest, and shoulders.

 

But, I have to believe I did enough. I am enough.

I pray that despite my ups and downs I’m teaching him what he needs to know. I pray that as he learns that the world, and your people in it are not always the same, but instead, ever changing, he is becoming stronger for it.

 

When my own sensitive perceptions are heightened, I need to reflect or to express myself. Today I chose to express myself through changing my environment, which to me feels like a giant deep breath. For him it felt like pulling the rug out from under. The battles of wills occur with us frequently. I have faith that I am learning as quickly as possible to let mine go.

 

I pray the highs outweigh our lows today. I pray he remembers that we painted each other’s faces, raced down the sidewalk, laughed at silly jokes, and had a puppet show. I pray he remembers I told him the story of Alexander and his day, and that some of them are like that, "even in Australia."

The grace of God allows us to forgive ourselves for the patience lost and the tempers burst. I believe we are forgiven. So I continue loving my strong-willed, sensitive child as God loves me. Lessons are difficult. People don’t always behave themselves. But, I am trying my best to fight my fears and failures and show love.

 

So, this is me at the end of this day hoping it’s all enough. I prayed enough. I loved enough. I smiled at him enough. I listened enough.

I'll sign your name at the end of this day, 
Knowing that my heart was true. 
Let my life song sing to you. 

 

But, if I didn’t, I’ll try again harder tomorrow.

Namaste!